so if my friends are reading this, the real reason why i didn't go for the sleepover to spend jellybean's last few days with us (before officially going to a new school) is; well, i know i was being selfish and stuff for not going, but with me not showing up will be the same right? playing with their ukulele and stuff, and i'll be there just swiping my phone hoping someone would be generous enough to spend their time with me or maybe they want to fucking shoot a fucking video and i'll be taking guard with how it goes. WELL I'M SORRY BUT I DIDN'T COME HERE TO HELP YOU FUCKING SHOOT A MV BUT ALL I WANT IS TO SPEND jelly'S LAST DAYS WITH US. thank you. i don't know, maybe this didn't happened, but i'm sure it was like this. cause spending out last time with each other with ukuleles is so much fun! oh, jolly!
the second reason, i'm disappointed in everyone. i'm done with everyone leaving me out in everything and picking up every sorry thrown at me. I HAD ENOUGH. yesterday was actually the first time i'd rather spend my time in the library with other librarians then being with them. to be honest, candy may drive me up the world at times
with everyone being sad and all that our group is splitting, i don't know yeah i'm sad but sometimes i wished i was the one leaving them. just want a new start before it's too late ya know? but with what's going on in my household, i'll just have to leave it aside.
and back with the sleepover thing, you guess can at least be a bit what's the word? right, considerate to tell me what's happening, but really not a sound from whatsapp. i bet you guys must be glad i'm not there.
wish: can i have better friends please. and a male best friend.
of course i'm grateful with what i have now since they don't make me feel entirely lonely infront of people. but that's not what i really want.... sometimes i too don't get myself, why am i still fucking complaining.
and next is, i don't get jellybean whenever i want to tell her something she'll pratically shut me off and the worst thing is she doesn't notice what she has done!
example, me: JELLYBEAN! I WANNNNNNAA TELL YOU SOMETHING
jellybean: oh. wait........... i'm doing the dishes
me: oh okay. i'll doing something else while waiting for you to finsih
jellybean: last message 3124 hours ago.
WTF, do you take that long to wash your dishes ?
okay fine, maybe you think this is quite a useless topic and you're thinking i could've easily just remind her and stuff but it's like she doesn't care, so to me what's the point of me reminding her that i was supposed to tell her, i'm done.
and grapefruit saying that she treats me best and whatever ; bullcrap. i'm sorry she treats everyone the same, which is good to the others, but hello. i thought, ah never mind. i'm never anyone's first.
the only time i felt loved from Min Yuan's was when she suggested to buy a friendship necklace. hah, how nice..
does anyone even think of me for a minute, i don't even want to start with grapefruit and lemon as it's just a waste of time. i'm still waiting, you're very welcome. how long do i even need to fucking wait for 2 of my present that you guys even supposedly owe me, this again isn't a big matter. but, isn't this supposed to be like a symbol that you guys are my friends.
lemon, i said on the top i didn't wanna say much about you. but, i have to release this. can you please be less irritating. please, you irritate the shit out of me. and with everyone telling me we are the 4 best friends just accept her with how she is, well i'm sorry. i'm tired of putting everything behind and acting as nothing has ever happened, tbh with you not being my friend is like an arrow being taken out from my heart. the feeling of relieve.
i'm done.
